Category Archives: Psychology

Behaviour Patterns Core Beliefs: Trust

Behaviour Patterns

 

Core Beliefs: Trust

 

“If you aren’t worthy of trust, others won’t trust you.” Dao De Jing 23

 

A core belief is a value system that we adopt and assimilate by experience. The experience usually involves the parents’ values and the actions. In childhood studies, the research of children’s experiences predicts behaviours that are long lasting. The observation of child psychologist identified traits and markers that become part of a child intrinsic belief system. The core beliefs identify cultures as remarkably different. In a multiracial society, there is a magnitude of what we expect from a cultural perspective that impinges on ideas and concepts of what core beliefs are important. The subject of trust is not a quick appraisal because there are so many dimensions on how a person relates to the world.

 

I will focus on the reference of trust from a psychological framework. The definition according APA dictionary defines trust as “reliance on or confidence in the dependability of someone or something. In interpersonal relationships, trust refers to the confidence that a person or group of people has in the reliability of another person or group; specifically, it is the degree to which each party feels that they can depend on the other party to do what they say they will do. The key factor is not the intrinsic honesty of the other people, but their predictability. Most psychologists consider trust to be a primary component in mature relationships with others, whether intimate, social, or therapeutic.”  I have highlighted in bold the two factors that help understand our perception of trust from a deeper level. I will argue that honesty is an important core value because that is an authentic self in relating to itself and the world. At this conjecture, trust begins at home with internal self.

 

Reliability is a good way to understand intrinsic nature because it builds a framework of how we perceives the world from conception onward. Life experiences can compound a person’s view of the world with confirmation biases of core beliefs. Relationships define the core of who you are. Attachment styles, interpersonal evaluation, family system dynamics, educational integration with social, spiritual, and cultural modalities. Precognitive precepts from a deep core are some things imprinted in a psyche. Reliability of trust will be determined by factors such as abuse of children’s experiences. This is evident in the body language, vocabulary, energy, and the interpersonal relationship management. The acute stress response (flight/fight/Freeze/fawn) of a person’s nervous system is associated with pivotal events in a person’s life.

 

It is important to describe the ANS response to the 4 states because it helps you interpret at a base line resonance of your emotional health. Take away any judgements of your feelings and emotions because they are your friends, not your enemies. You may suppress uncomfortable sensations or not even be aware of them. From a homeostasis perspective, your body is doing what it thinks is best. I will illustrate the importance of understanding biology of the psyche, an ingredient not to ignore. Imagine you have a child who is always hyperactive. It can’t sit still, loads of energy, etc. A parent can easily be exhausted and frustrated with a child full of energy. Review the history of the child last 6 months and you discover its nutrition has changed. You discover the root cause was in the child’s biology’s diet effecting the homeostasis of the young child. You changed the nutrition and after 3 months, there is a remarkable change in the child behaviour.

 

 

This biological response, in simple terms, is arousal from a psychological perspective. The acute stress response is an indicator how a person behaves in relationships and we define this in the trust connection.  An overview of the 4 states of the acute stress response help see if there is any connection to trust. The history of a person will have different degrees in responses. The brain will rerun the programs when it believes encounters similar situations regardless of the validity of the event. The correlation of biological states of ANS is so complex I will endeavour to simplify from my perspective.

 

 

Flight

The action of running away is a case of avoidance. An independent viewpoint translates this. An introvert finds safety in not making too many relationships. The biology of doing rather than being is seen someone who is always on the go. Distraction from others is a coping mechanism of not engaging with feelings of self and others.

 

Fight

The boxer is hyper vigilant, ready to defend or strike. The fighter has the image of winning at all costs because of its life or death threat. I translate this as a love hate perspective of self and others. Extreme work ethic punishing the body is the biology of the person. The top dog must be the best, have the best, a warrior fighting for a cause. The cycle of high energy with unrealistic expectations of self and others comes with a price of exhaustion and separation.

 

Freeze

No action can appear the safest route, hoping threat will pass. We can easily translate this, as can’t be bother or stuck in unhealthy situations. An animal hides to avoid confrontations. The biology of apathy or inaction in the short term may be safe, but inaction will cause deterioration in the psyche and body. The flow of life becomes stagnant and unhealthy relationships can fester.

 

Fawn

Please others to avoid fight, flight, and freeze scenarios. Imagine an inferior animal lost. It will attach itself to anything. The random attachments not understanding its authentic self roots. The biology varies according to the attachment. A people pleaser goes the extra mile to the detriment of their own biological resources. Hoping that helping others, their needs will be met despite the type of relationships either good or harmful..

 

You could build on this idea of the types of relationships related to the biological self as a personal development program. My personal experience, I was in the flight mode for most of my life (not until after the death of my wife I knew what state I was in) so the connection to others at a deep core synthesis didn’t exist because of the flight mechanism. Reflecting on my interpersonal relationships they were non-existence, and it saddens me. Understanding the implications of life experiences gives the self-opportunity to resolute core values to new dimensions.

 

The relating function of experiences must be in equilibrium. For example, when a person is drunk, they delineate the perception at extremes. The body home management, called homeostasis, orchestrates a framework to optimise the complete structure under the control of the subconscious programs laid through experience. Carl Jung related to this in the shadow work with the anima and animus and complexes. The balancing structures of who the self is at a deeper level relate to relationships with male and female role models. For example, a man female counterpart is the anima. The former relationship of man’s mother is the foundation in the first 3 years of his life. Other female encounters will define the female subconscious structure as contrasting to the mother or reenforcing the anima. A man’s masculine counterpart will often suppress this side of the self-because of cultural and society’s expectations. Likewise, the animus of a woman, the male role model, usually the father, will be present in the subconscious. The responses of both genders will run in the background of a person’s psyche, influencing, and predicting subconscious programs.

 

Self only knows what it knows, so if you are struggling with connecting to yourself at a deeper level, use compassion as a guide. Reliability component may not be apparent as abuse in childhood, but it related to neglect of your needs. Parents’ demands can feel insurmountable for some causing stress in many areas of life. The financial implications may have forced parents to work long hours, neglecting the children not by choice but because of circumstances. The many promises of parents to do this or that will silently produce the schema of a child who feels isolated and unloved. Imagine a child’s life experience where the parents promise to take the child somewhere for their birthday. Child’s expectations are the focus of spending time with its nearest and dearest. The mother receives a phone call. Father can’t make it because of a meeting. The repeating of patterns in a child’s mind can define a core belief that work is more important than interpersonal relationship. The trust can disintegrate with the parent and child, leaving a model for a child to relate to in future relationships. I see this cycle repeated through the generations of work expectations monopolise the family.

 

Predictability

Learning is based on the idea of predictability. The resources from the intrinsic mechanism of a human body are out of our total control. The brain learns what is the most efficient way of doing something unless we override it. At a cellular level, can you tell what cell needs to do? Everyday life in the relationship with others, the subconscious will predict for us from the instinctual route. Have you noticed a lot of relationships the partner resembles a parent, either psychological or even appearance? Chinese saying if a couple look alike, they are well matched.

 

Predictability of trust is a life history of relationships. The problem with learned predictability of the past is we can miss out on opportunities now. For example, if your partner cheated on you and you do not resolve it, it will be your future reference. Go on a dating site or app and read the bio. You see current undertones of mistrust looking for a new relationship. Predictability can be helpful with a present relationship; the repeated patterns tell the story. A new boss or new neighbour is a fresh opportunity to make a trusting relationship. Building on successful relationships can predict a better outcome from a place of love rather than from a place of fear.

Being Present

The trust comes from within associated with the higher self. The injured child within, the neglected teenager and other parts need your trust. Being present accepting the signals from within, but opening your heart is the pathway to trust with self and others. No one can kill the inner child or threaten the teenager within because you, as an adult, can be there for them. The body, feelings and emotions love you and you need them, so work together with compassion as your bond.

Letting go of old wounds and mistrust will help you to be present, and the higher self will always give you what you need on your journey.

 

In conclusion, I can’t emphasize this enough. The trust from a higher source is the lifeline for anyone who has ongoing trust issues. That you are not important or not part of a bigger picture is a negative belief. Every human, regardless of who and what, they are here for a purpose. The billions in history that lived and those alive today make up the cosmos and if you were not here, the world would never be the same. The higher self loves the complete universe impartially because energy creates without judgment only humans put limits on others. Connect with your inner self and create an awesome trust with the greater consciousness in whatever way you want to have an unbreakable trust.

 

 

 

Behaviour Patterns: Tolerance a conundrum of realistic expectations with a balancing act of freedoms safeguarding the vulnerable

“I am not interested in picking up crumbs of compassion thrown from the table of someone who considers himself my master. I want the full menu of rights.” Desmond Tutu

 

From the very start I will put an advisory note: This post may trigger you from intellectual or emotive maybe both. This is not radical propagation of dogma just an inquiry the observation of behaviours and that may include yours. Further assistance in exploring certain narratives speak to a trained and qualified therapist.

 

The perspective of who we are is indoctrinated by experience that shapes our perspective and reality. The conjecture of thousands of years religious, political and culture shapes the environment. The language, the architecture, the landscape, and other systems influence our reality regardless of who we claim to be. This consolidated and reenforced by society expectations of what is the normal behaviour. To say we are individual is not the whole truth because to fit into the modern world we must conform. I want labour the point but just one core component in the modern world is money. All our behaviour is influence by our perspective of how we relate to money.

 

The evolving consensus of human rights is very emotive one because it involves the whole world through monetary globalisation of products and services. The western consumer may argue it’s their rights to have a lifestyle at a particular standard. The production of low-cost items divided the economy of class distinction. The fact is that Monaco with a population of less than 40,000 has highest monthly income worldwide compared to lowest income in Afghanistan with a population of over 37 million. I would argue the point that rich and the poor due to our behaviour globally based on the currency of financial systems. These structures have definitive influence on our perception. This is a complex issue that will not be solved by capitalism (I am aware that I am part of the system) but a global consciousness on equality from a fundamental right. This is just one reason tolerance is a conundrum of realistic expectations with a balancing act of freedoms safeguarding the vulnerable.

 

Behaviour patterns of humanity are in our DNA that has passed down through the generations of expectations. The core issue of behaviour patterns is not fixed but transitory because at different stages in our development we had to change. I will say in some cultures there is a different structure for example the caste system in India has predestined to what and who you are. The behaviour of a child will change to what is expected of an adult in many countries. The relationships shape our tolerance of freedoms as important modality for acceptance or change. I will mention a few examples that shapes our reality.

 

Abuse

 

The child learns behaviours either for good or not so great. The children’s relationships with persistent abuse may feel that is how the whole world works. The child may repress its anger or fuel its rage in positive change or destruction. Every relationship will affect the psyche of a person even if not aware of it. The parents from not so long ago say spare the rod you spoil the child. It has been taken from bible verse Proverbs 13: 24 Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.

For centuries the church has used this arsenal to victimise the child as an animal with no rights. The corporal punishment is vindictive of a two-tier system of judge and jury which is the heart of Judaism and Christianity. The hell fire doctrines and the saints and sinners’ philosophy influenced millions behaviour against tolerance in cause of truth, I would say hypocrisy to the master and servant ideology. The age of enlightenment liberated the barbaric notation to a rational and sense perspective thank God pun intended.

 

Equality

 

This is probably a more shrouded concept because of our perceived identity as a just individual. The reality is we all have bias about others due to experiences and beliefs.

There is a very detailed overview of the evolution of awareness and social structure with the rights of the disadvantage. (Used the term not as negative preface but a common term for public reference ) Follow the link below for further information and you will be surprised.

https://ukdhm.org/v2/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/B5-Disability-Time-Line-NHS-North-West.pdf

 

The under lying prejudice to difference is from ignorance. The cascades of stereotypes popularised through the decades of intolerance persist in the form of so-called humour. The most offensive I would say is the comedian who makes a joke of their circumstance giving no thought of the feelings of like individuals. Imagine a blind or autistic person making the jokes about themselves robs the dignity of what amazing blind and autistic people are doing living a full life as normal happy citizens.

 

The joy of being diverse adds colour and depth to society because in essence no body perfect from birth to the grave. The human species lack of tolerance are core beliefs about the self as inadequate. Whatever the reason as Desmond tutu said about intolerance is a brilliant reminder of authentic compassion from the heart not the head “I am not interested in picking up crumbs of compassion thrown from the table of someone who considers himself my master. I want the full menu of rights.

 

Takeaway

Questions to reflect on

 

1: Why do I think and feel I am better than someone else?

 

2: How would I cope being in that person’s situation, that’s irritated me?

 

3: Am I living in the past about how I feel about this situation?

 

4: Is the compassion for you or them and why?

 

5: Am I grateful regardless of what difficulties I encounter?

 

6: Do I project my expectations on to others as my rights?

7: Do I love the world of humanity with no hidden agendas?

 

8: Can I accept the difference as a basic human right?

 

9: How can I protect and advocate the vulnerable rights?

 

10: Do I love my apparent inadequacies?

 

 

Behaviour Patterns:Tolerance has its limits, how far is too far?

Behaviour Patterns: Tolerance has its limits, how far is too far?

“I learned that very often the most intolerant and narrow-minded people are the ones who congratulate themselves on their tolerance and open-mindedness.” Christopher Hitchens

The quote is from an outspoken journalist, author and polemicist who challenged the dogmas of religions and politics. I like the quote because in dogmatism, individuals or organisations believe they are right with righteousness in one hand but a synergy of narcissism in the other. The creation of new ideas is the light bearer of truth but the irony of this illumination there are only half truths with a shadow casting doubt on the sceptic.

 

Tolerance definition from one source said it is “a fair, objective, and permissive attitude toward those whose opinions, beliefs, practices, racial or ethnic origins, etc., differ from one’s own: freedom from bigotry.  The dilemma from objective to the subjective is a bridge with holes and cracks revealing the abyss of conflict of human emotion, intrinsic beliefs, and the connection of idealism.

 

The difficulty in exploring how tolerant a person behaviour is and why, calls into question many parameters of conscious and subconscious ideas is not a rational answer. I will explain this with few scenarios that springs to mind. This may evoke a personal response because everyone tolerance levels are subjective.

 

1: The women and men in abusive relationships even at the threat of their own lives.

 

2: The men and woman who are abused by work colleagues or employer and sometimes both.

 

3: The community vanquishes the family because of religious or ethic differences.

 

4: The victimisation of sexuality and morality.

 

These views are apparent in some cultures where extreme propagated by the media prejudice infiltrated by political and religious institutions. The basic preface to intolerance for some is ignorance and pretentious ostentatious egos. In essence all humanity has the right and dignity to live safely in the modern world with the freedom of choice. Raises the question what are acceptable limits for singular to community perspective?

 

We will explore some of the dimensions of why perpetual tolerance can be a barrier for an individual individualisation. We will focus on psychological reasons that inhibits the limits of person safeguard in managing tolerance. This is a snapshot of some of a person’s dynamics from my perspective. If you are facing difficulties in your personal life from the above scenarios that triggered you, I warmly recommend you seek professional advice and guidance.

 

Temperament

Did you know Scientists estimate that 20 to 60 percent of temperament is determined by genetics? The case studies of twins in particular fraternal twins ‘gives clear evidence of different temperaments in twins.

 

There are 4 main temperaments

Choleric

Melancholic

Phlegmatic

Sanguine

 

This doesn’t mean a behaviour trait is fixed because events will determine integrated temperaments at different levels. Adding to the equation environmental cues will enhance or subtract a behaviour trait. The construction of temperament from birth to adulthood has a mixed mash of components. For some fun you can do a temperament test online at https://psychologia.co/four-temperaments-test/. But don’t be fooled with the results as conclusive, it might be useful to explore yourself in detail with a professional.

 

Psychologia website summarise the four-temperaments:

 

People with a sanguine personality type tend to be lively, optimistic, buoyant, and carefree. They love adventure and have high risk tolerance.

 

Someone with a phlegmatic personality is usually a people person.

 

Someone with a pure choleric temperament is usually a goal-oriented person.

 

People with melancholic personalities love traditions. Women cook for men; men open doors for women.

 

These are just basic ideas to explore on how temperament is a gauge to a person tolerance. The natural behaviour trait will influence a person interpersonal relationship learnt from childhood with ongoing correlations of personal experiences in life.

 

Historical Perspective

 

The brain remembers the environment from childhood even if you are not aware of it.

The subconscious patterns primed the organism for survival that are fight, flight, freeze and fawn. The lessons learned, prime the subconscious to act in a routine behaviour.  The Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) trains the brain to opt for autopilot behaviour to avoid danger. I would argue that even if you have not suffered with PTSD, a series of repeating events on a smaller scale will impact the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal axis (HPA). The familiar environment learned as a child may pacify the brain or ramp it up to extremes with the person different tolerance levels.

 

Devaluation

 

The American Psychology Association defines Devaluation as defence mechanism that involves denying the importance of something or someone, including the self.  The contrasting belief of idealization, a person or institution has illusions of perfection or grandiose entitlements. This is evident in hierarchy of religious systems of the two systems integrated.  This brings into question a person identity from a qualitive and quantitively appraisal of the self of polar opposites.  The distortions of how a person sees the world is apparent in their behaviour of tolerance. The naive will tolerate more than the informed person. In contrast the of the victim mentality may avoid all imagined scenarios as intolerable for further confirmation biases. The linearisation of childhood beliefs and experiences attaches the self on how it identifies it’s value in relating to the world.

 

Motivation

 

The catalyst for change is in the spark. Differences between intrinsic motivation and extrinsic motivation in every individual has roots of self-perception. The reward and aversion stimuli in neural networks have impetus with biological mechanism throughout the body in motivation. The extrinsic reward of the social brain in connections or the shame of being different has deep core motivations on tolerance. The passive or assertive personality measures tolerance at different junctions according to the degrees trust. Finding ways to increase motivation is crucial because it can change behaviour towards balance view of tolerance.

 

 

In summary, the question: Does tolerance have its limits and how far is too far? The answer cannot be a sweeping statement that a person should change from an intolerable situation. Its evaluation and estimation are from perspective of the individual. The personal limits of each individual has its own autonomy with freedom of choice. We have seen how influences on a community or singular viewpoint will shape a person tolerance. Next time we will explore how far is too far? It is the conundrum of realistic expectations that has a balancing act of freedom of thought to safeguarding of the vulnerable.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Acceptance of the authentic self and the ego

“There are four things the master is entirely free. He had no forgone conclusions, no arbitrary predeterminations, no obstinacy, no egotism” Confucius

How can we be free in our mental perceptions? Anxiety and other mental states don’t produce a free mind but a troubled one. Our whole universe is a projection of our brain and mind onto our personal reality. Was Confucius right about having no conclusions? What does it mean Acceptance of the authentic self with the ego?

Psychology and science say the human brain has two systems that work in synchronicity when functioning correctly. System one function is intuitive emotive system and system 2 is the rational analytical system. One reference said, “According to the theory of left-brain or right-brain dominance, each side of the brain controls different types of thinking.” The article continued” people are said to prefer one type of thinking over the other. For example, a person who is left-brained is often said to be more logical, analytical, and objective. A person who is right-brained is said to be more intuitive, thoughtful, and subjective”

The book Thinking Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman book has loads of data and science that explains in more detail on how two systems of the brain work. I read it several years ago and excuse the pun it made me think. The website 4 minutes books have a great overview of the book as my memory is not that linear. Here is a summary help you understand his theory. It says “Your behaviour is determined by 2 systems in your mind – (I would say brain) one conscious and the other automatic.”
Your brain is lazy and thus keeps you from using the full power of your intelligence.
One good point “When you’re making decisions about money, leave your emotions at home.
The article continues “System 1 is automatic and impulsive. System 1 is a remnant from our past, and it’s crucial to our survival. Not having to think before jumping away from a car when it honks at you is quite useful, don’t you think? System 2 is very conscious, aware, and considerate. System 2 is one of the most ‘recent’ additions to our brain and only a few thousand years old. It’s what helps us succeed in today’s world, where our priorities have shifted from getting food and shelter to earning money, supporting a family, and making many complex decisions.

Freudian Psychological concept of the brain function is complexed to explain so again I will use the experts explanation’ to clarify in simple terms his theory. The Britannica says” The id is the animal part of the personality, an unconscious drive to have lots of sex, survive, and thrive. It urges you to push in and eat your weight in cake. The ego is where the conscious mind lives. It’s lumbered with the tricky job of satisfying the id’s wild desires in a realistic and socially acceptable way.

The human brain as the receiver of our earthly life drives our behaviour in a dualist perspective because we live in a dualistic society perspective especially in the west. This has limited interpretations because we don’t know all the workings of what is ultimate truth because we are viewing life through the lens of a limited human being. Confucius rightly said thousands of years ago “He had no forgone conclusions, no arbitrary predeterminations, no obstinacy, no egotism”. When you read his works, his disciples are often in a quandary of so and so behaviour and asked for clarification as either this or that.

The Chinese philosophy of yin and yang appear as opposites from westerner perspective, but they are the complete picture or whole. For example, yin represents passive energy where the yang represents positive or active energy. Both complement each other as a whole. Imagine the heating system of a house was constantly on hot, the energy would make life in a country that had alternating seasons difficult to live. In a similar fashion the amazing brain must have the opposites to correlate the benefit of the organism comfortably of yin and yang the complete Dao.

I constantly hear and read that the ego is on the one hand an enemy of the self or the other hand it is a primary driver to be successful. I was listening to very interesting book recently written by psychologist that promotes spiritual practice with psychological practices. I am not against spirituality but sometimes indoctrination saying that something is the absolute is nonsensical and has limiting belief not the potential. The reasoning and emotive concepts were good in the book, but my authentic self was tugging against my soul. I had the idea of writing about the ego and acceptance before reading the book but it was brought into my awareness as important subject to explore in more detail.

The ego can be your friend or foe or more accurately master or servant. There are many different theories on what the ego is. For simplicity and from my perspective the ego is you as a human being on this planet living from a life of human experiences operated in the brain. The ego has limited perception it is not the mind. The ego is not the authentic self or soul because the real you are not an abstract thing it is a part of consciousness connected to the whole(universe). It is very difficult to define what consciousness is in human terms but again for simplify we can call it the soul that uses the human body as a vehicle.

To accept a person for who they are is divine. Namaste common greeting is when two devout Hindus meet recognising the person is the same origin of divinity. The concepts of who we are where we come from has its roots in many religious teachings a s divine source. Ironically the atheist must admit that we all come from the same source (substance, matter), basically the big bang or the alternative theory of the Steady State universe.
This is another complex debate who and what the scientist and philosophers as well as the religious teachers endeavour to explain.

You could go make the equation of self even more divergent with the concept of I and Me, the Self in the Context of Consciousness. Phenomenology is a philosophy of human experience; I would say different states of consciousness and awareness. That is another dimension to explore.

When you practice meditation regularly you are conscious of your thoughts and feelings. This raises the question who is observing the thoughts you or the observer? this is emotive for some scientist and others. All our experiences are subjective but consciousness or the mind can influence the thoughts. For example, when enter a room you can feel the emotion sometimes even though there are no cues. The saying “are you on the same wavelength” is a common expression illustrating an unspoken thought but is understood in the mind.
Here are several examples to illustrate that consciousness is not limited to the brain. I was married for over 20 years, and we (me and Kate) could identify with each other’s thoughts at times. The synchronicity with a dear friend of mine, I call him the wizard of Ashburton is a regular occurrence despite him living about 25 miles away. Another friend experiences we would pick up on each other vibes and have new insights in synchroneity living separately. Finally, to emphasis the point that the mind is consciousness here is another personal example. Several weeks ago, I went shopping with my 16-year-old daughter, it’s not my favourite pastime but was happy to spend time with her. She dragged me into the clothes shops, and I was not in the shopping zone. I was totally chilled like a zombie allowing my mind to wander with no fix destination. It came into my awareness of random ideas and thoughts like sherlock Holmes and in synchronicity my daughter said she was thinking about that despite me being in a different part of the shop. I followed her without thought not paying attention, walking meditation you could say, and I kept picking up her random thoughts in synchronicity, eventually it did spook it her a bit, so I became totally present and stopped.

I would say that the complexed self has 2 distinguishing parts, the ego, and the authentic self. The dogmatism that the ego is the enemy or to transcend the ego gives the ego a negative representation. This is a dualistic dilemma because to classify it as a substate or total negative idea limits its possibilities. To say a neanderthal or a stone age individual to kill the ego or transcend the ego is nonsensical because humanity wouldn’t be here without it. I would be grateful living in an early community where some men egos motivated them to slay the dinosaurs or the enemy providing me with scraps of food.

In my research of psychopaths, they are driven by ego. According to Robert Hare, Psychopathy Checklist, psychopaths have a narcissistic and incredibly inflated view of their own importance and self-worth. They have huge egos. In today’s modern society we need egos for them to be absorbed and focused to get difficult and complex demands of the greater good delivered.

This leads to the next question is my ego a friend or my foe? The ego or animistic drive can be your friend to save your child at all costs when there is a threat, but the animal needs to be trained. The ego in psychopaths dives their behaviour to extremes strangling the authentic self-lacking empathy for others. If you could master the ego, then accepting the authentic self will shine brightly throughout the world.

Accepting the authentic self will put the ego in its proper place. The human brain can be subservient to the ego because of its dualistic human experiences. I know I was there for most of my life, fire, and brimstone at one end and love and affection at the other end. The ego drove me to do amazing things but at what cost and was it really me or a false persona.
I was labelled with ADHD by some, outspoken, relentless, workaholic etc but was that the real authentic Steve or the ego. I can honestly look back at my life and say for over 45 years of my life I wasn’t self-aware I was driven by the ego to be the best of this and that at all costs. I am not saying I have perfected it now, but If I have total trained the ego there would be no reason for me to keep learning hence the role of the ego.

How to control the ego allowing the authentic self to shine. I would say self-compassion is a great gauge to measure the true self. The ego may motivate you to do this or that but ask the question to yourself: Does the authentic self, want to do this and at what cost? Am I happy pursuing this? How does this compare to a compassionate reaction? Explore some of ego outlook to compassionate outlook with examples.

The ego likes to be recognised as number one or have validation. Compassion recognises we have limitations, and we are part of a bigger picture or whole.

Thewa ego can’t discriminate it has to be right. This is dualistic thinking, black and white thinking rather than gestalt thinking. Compassion recognises we could be wrong and adjust to a better way of thinking or doing things.
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The ego is earthly and fleshly in its vision. We all need material things to exist as Abraham Maslow says Hierarchy of needs not Hierarchy of wants. Compassion would say I have enough why do I keep consuming or buying this?

The ego wants to live at all costs, the illusion of control. Compassion recognises that life and death are part of the whole. Compassion goes with the flow of life and accepts who and where we are in the stream of time.
“There are four things the master is entirely free. He had no forgone conclusions, no arbitrary predeterminations, no obstinacy, no egotism” Confucius

How can we be free in our mental perceptions? Anxiety and other mental states don’t produce a free mind but a troubled one. Our whole universe is a projection of our brain and mind onto our personal reality. Was Confucius right about having no conclusions? What does it mean Acceptance of the authentic self with the ego?

Psychology and science say the human brain has two systems that work in synchronicity when functioning correctly. System one function is intuitive emotive system and system 2 is the rational analytical system. One reference said, “According to the theory of left-brain or right-brain dominance, each side of the brain controls different types of thinking.” The article continued” people are said to prefer one type of thinking over the other. For example, a person who is left-brained is often said to be more logical, analytical, and objective. A person who is right-brained is said to be more intuitive, thoughtful, and subjective”

The book Thinking Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman book has loads of data and science that explains in more detail on how two systems of the brain work. I read it several years ago and excuse the pun it made me think. The website 4 minutes books have a great overview of the book as my memory is not that linear. Here is a summary help you understand his theory. It says “Your behaviour is determined by 2 systems in your mind – (I would say brain) one conscious and the other automatic.”
Your brain is lazy and thus keeps you from using the full power of your intelligence.
One good point “When you’re making decisions about money, leave your emotions at home.
The article continues “System 1 is automatic and impulsive. System 1 is a remnant from our past, and it’s crucial to our survival. Not having to think before jumping away from a car when it honks at you is quite useful, don’t you think? System 2 is very conscious, aware, and considerate. System 2 is one of the most ‘recent’ additions to our brain and only a few thousand years old. It’s what helps us succeed in today’s world, where our priorities have shifted from getting food and shelter to earning money, supporting a family, and making many complex decisions.

Freudian Psychological concept of the brain function is complexed to explain so again I will use the experts explanation’ to clarify in simple terms his theory. The Britannica says” The id is the animal part of the personality, an unconscious drive to have lots of sex, survive, and thrive. It urges you to push in and eat your weight in cake. The ego is where the conscious mind lives. It’s lumbered with the tricky job of satisfying the id’s wild desires in a realistic and socially acceptable way.

The human brain as the receiver of our earthly life drives our behaviour in a dualist perspective because we live in a dualistic society perspective especially in the west. This has limited interpretations because we don’t know all the workings of what is ultimate truth because we are viewing life through the lens of a limited human being. Confucius rightly said thousands of years ago “He had no forgone conclusions, no arbitrary predeterminations, no obstinacy, no egotism”. When you read his works, his disciples are often in a quandary of so and so behaviour and asked for clarification as either this or that.

The Chinese philosophy of yin and yang appear as opposites from westerner perspective, but they are the complete picture or whole. For example, yin represents passive energy where the yang represents positive or active energy. Both complement each other as a whole. Imagine the heating system of a house was constantly on hot, the energy would make life in a country that had alternating seasons difficult to live. In a similar fashion the amazing brain must have the opposites to correlate the benefit of the organism comfortably of yin and yang the complete Dao.

I constantly hear and read that the ego is on the one hand an enemy of the self or the other hand it is a primary driver to be successful. I was listening to very interesting book recently written by psychologist that promotes spiritual practice with psychological practices. I am not against spirituality but sometimes indoctrination saying that something is the absolute is nonsensical and has limiting belief not the potential. The reasoning and emotive concepts were good in the book, but my authentic self was tugging against my soul. I had the idea of writing about the ego and acceptance before reading the book but it was brought into my awareness as important subject to explore in more detail.

The ego can be your friend or foe or more accurately master or servant. There are many different theories on what the ego is. For simplicity and from my perspective the ego is you as a human being on this planet living from a life of human experiences operated in the brain. The ego has limited perception it is not the mind. The ego is not the authentic self or soul because the real you are not an abstract thing it is a part of consciousness connected to the whole(universe). It is very difficult to define what consciousness is in human terms but again for simplify we can call it the soul that uses the human body as a vehicle.

To accept a person for who they are is divine. Namaste common greeting is when two devout Hindus meet recognising the person is the same origin of divinity. The concepts of who we are where we come from has its roots in many religious teachings a s divine source. Ironically the atheist must admit that we all come from the same source (substance, matter), basically the big bang or the alternative theory of the Steady State universe.
This is another complex debate who and what the scientist and philosophers as well as the religious teachers endeavour to explain.

You could go make the equation of self even more divergent with the concept of I and Me, the Self in the Context of Consciousness. Phenomenology is a philosophy of human experience; I would say different states of consciousness and awareness. That is another dimension to explore.

When you practice meditation regularly you are conscious of your thoughts and feelings. This raises the question who is observing the thoughts you or the observer? this is emotive for some scientist and others. All our experiences are subjective but consciousness or the mind can influence the thoughts. For example, when enter a room you can feel the emotion sometimes even though there are no cues. The saying “are you on the same wavelength” is a common expression illustrating an unspoken thought but is understood in the mind.
Here are several examples to illustrate that consciousness is not limited to the brain. I was married for over 20 years, and we (me and Kate) could identify with each other’s thoughts at times. The synchronicity with a dear friend of mine, I call him the wizard of Ashburton is a regular occurrence despite him living about 25 miles away. Another friend experiences we would pick up on each other vibes and have new insights in synchroneity living separately. Finally, to emphasis the point that the mind is consciousness here is another personal example. Several weeks ago, I went shopping with my 16-year-old daughter, it’s not my favourite pastime but was happy to spend time with her. She dragged me into the clothes shops, and I was not in the shopping zone. I was totally chilled like a zombie allowing my mind to wander with no fix destination. It came into my awareness of random ideas and thoughts like sherlock Holmes and in synchronicity my daughter said she was thinking about that despite me being in a different part of the shop. I followed her without thought not paying attention, walking meditation you could say, and I kept picking up her random thoughts in synchronicity, eventually it did spook it her a bit, so I became totally present and stopped.

I would say that the complexed self has 2 distinguishing parts, the ego, and the authentic self. The dogmatism that the ego is the enemy or to transcend the ego gives the ego a negative representation. This is a dualistic dilemma because to classify it as a substate or total negative idea limits its possibilities. To say a neanderthal or a stone age individual to kill the ego or transcend the ego is nonsensical because humanity wouldn’t be here without it. I would be grateful living in an early community where some men egos motivated them to slay the dinosaurs or the enemy providing me with scraps of food.

In my research of psychopaths, they are driven by ego. According to Robert Hare, Psychopathy Checklist, psychopaths have a narcissistic and incredibly inflated view of their own importance and self-worth. They have huge egos. In today’s modern society we need egos for them to be absorbed and focused to get difficult and complex demands of the greater good delivered.

This leads to the next question is my ego a friend or my foe? The ego or animistic drive can be your friend to save your child at all costs when there is a threat, but the animal needs to be trained. The ego in psychopaths dives their behaviour to extremes strangling the authentic self-lacking empathy for others. If you could master the ego, then accepting the authentic self will shine brightly throughout the world.

Accepting the authentic self will put the ego in its proper place. The human brain can be subservient to the ego because of its dualistic human experiences. I know I was there for most of my life, fire, and brimstone at one end and love and affection at the other end. The ego drove me to do amazing things but at what cost and was it really me or a false persona.
I was labelled with ADHD by some, outspoken, relentless, workaholic etc but was that the real authentic Steve or the ego. I can honestly look back at my life and say for over 45 years of my life I wasn’t self-aware I was driven by the ego to be the best of this and that at all costs. I am not saying I have perfected it now, but If I have total trained the ego there would be no reason for me to keep learning hence the role of the ego.

How to control the ego allowing the authentic self to shine. I would say self-compassion is a great gauge to measure the true self. The ego may motivate you to do this or that but ask the question to yourself: Does the authentic self, want to do this and at what cost? Am I happy pursuing this? How does this compare to a compassionate reaction? Explore some of ego outlook to compassionate outlook with examples.

The ego likes to be recognised as number one or have validation. Compassion recognises we have limitations, and we are part of a bigger picture or whole.

The ego can’t discriminate it has to be right. This is dualistic thinking, black and white thinking rather than gestalt thinking. Compassion recognises we could be wrong and adjust to a better way of thinking or doing things.

The ego is earthly and fleshly in its vision. We all need material things to exist as Abraham Maslow says Hierarchy of needs not Hierarchy of wants. Compassion would say I have enough why do I keep consuming or buying this?

The ego wants to live at all costs, the illusion of control. Compassion recognises that life and death are part of the whole. Compassion goes with the flow of life and accepts who and where we are in the stream of time.

The ego is restricted by linear time frames. The motivations of the ego come from past experiences or future expectations. Compassion focusses on the present and accepts you and others at that moment with no judgements. This is probably one of the hardest to master because we live in a dualistic world governed by time and space as an earthly being. When you step outside to another reality time and space is just a concept that restricts human experience. Recognising we are part of the whole (the universe) nothing limits consciousness not even time and space. This is a very deep concept that the ego can’t digest because of the fear of the unknown and death.

In conclusion accepting who you are at any given time will give you immense psychological freedom. Remember our friend Confucius who is part of our consciousness said “There are four things the master is entirely free. He had no forgone conclusions, no arbitrary predeterminations, no obstinacy, no egotism”

The ego is restricted by linear time frames. The motivations of the ego come from past experiences or future expectations. Compassion focusses on the present and accepts you and others at that moment with no judgements. This is probably one of the hardest to master because we live in a dualistic world governed by time and space as an earthly being. When you step outside to another reality time and space is just a concept that restricts human experience. Recognising we are part of the whole (the universe) nothing limits consciousness not even time and space. This is a very deep concept that the ego can’t digest because of the fear of the unknown and death.

In conclusion accepting who you are at any given time will give you immense psychological freedom. Remember our friend Confucius who is part of our consciousness said “There are four things the master is entirely free. He had no forgone conclusions, no arbitrary predeterminations, no obstinacy, no egotism”

Acceptance with Adjustment untangling the strangled soul

The student of virtue has no contentions

“Better to be in deep sorrow than to observances for a minute”

“Things that are past are needless to blame” Confucius

Part of my daily morning routine is to read Confucius this year, last year it was a Zen Buddhism book. I also read other books as part of my learning experience to start the day with insight and reflection.(Part of my journaling process in my book of life). I love all philosophy especially oriental wisdom of the greats to broaden my western mind. Todays post will focus on the difficultly of acceptance that I believe is the common struggle of humanity for many. Acceptance has its right hand holding contentment but in the left hand the soul wants another direction. The highs and lows of life are the landscape of life’s journey. The denial that nothing effects you is tantamount of strangling the soul of your authentic identity. Emotions are one way the soul expresses the true self not having its needs met from a core value of who you are. The mind or more distinctly the limited human brain is the cause of all suffering or in the Buddhism idea of attachments. Letting go or accepting how life really is at present is a master life long obsession. The main reason from a secular perspective for attachments is focussed on the future built on consumerism. The propaganda infiltrating in the media that you need this and that fills the egoic human brain with emptiness. The letting go is not easy and I have read the books and I am a stubborn optimist and wow my brain effects my emotional need for this and that now and again. Good ideas letting go from Zen practice (Im not a Buddhist) https://zenhabits.net/attachments/The student of virtue has no contentions

The student of virtue has no contentions is one tool in adjusting to the stable state of acceptance.Benjamin Franklin made a summary in his auto biography about his 13 virtues. Summary in this simple post of his virtues if you’re interested https://alyjuma.com/13-virtues/

The origin of the word virtue comes from a persons character https://www.etymonline.com/word/virtue reminds me of the famous philosophy saying know thyself. To know thyself is from the inside out. This is core transcript with many philosophers realisation that others ideologies and popular opinion stopped their empirical observation. The enlightenment period was proceeded by superstition and governance of superiors. The authentic self or soul can be strangled by teachings and ideas that don’t resonate with who you are. Exploring core values or virtues is an evaluation of your true character that is manifested in the world of your reality. Knowing thyself involves what Confucius said be no contentions. Contentions has opposite theme to acceptance. Imagine the the soul arguing with the false self because the character or virtue deep within doesn’t match your identity. One of my virtues is honesty as an example , it is easy to your honest BUT are you honest with your soul or true self. This is the contentions I wrestle with from time to time. Being honest with self involves the ideas and emotions that trigger the soul and false self in to a fight. Knowing thyself is a journey of discovery and a lifelong path of enlightenment of attaining the real you by transformation(liberation of the soul). Abraham Maslow said that peak experiences result of difficuties or I would say actualisations come from struggles first. He said what would be the point of having an escalator to the top of Mount Everest(think about that awesome concept). I would say digging for gold takes effort and a shifting through the unwanted rocks and sand takes time. Confucius said in essence about actualisation or becoming authentic or accepting who he was not fully apparent until the age of 70 when he was a master. Never be too hard on the soul because it is a lifetime of discovery.

Better to be in deep sorrow than to observances for a minute because fakers don’t make it. The denial of emotions is mainstream in western lands , especially in the UK. The main emotion I perceive from the internet and secularism promotes is happiness as the ultimate goal and move on by suppression of other emotions of the soul. I want labour this point too much but when my wife died of cancer, I had years of suppression of emotions that came flooding out. If it wasn’t for the kids I would of killed myself , thankfully I didn’t. The internal pain sent me on my quest HOW THE HELL CAN I STOP THIS internal torture? My soul had been strangled for nearly 50 years by not being the authentic self. I was a people and God pleaser, believing no one would love me if I didn’t do what they wanted me to be or even worst I would die. Thankfully my soul got me to where I am today and I am eternally grateful. On a cautionary note, it is not a judgement , by not accepting emotional flow of emotions(energy), will strangle you literally and can even kill you. I could give you ten books to read but this isn’t point of this post. One book to read if interested on this point https://www.besselvanderkolk.com/resources/the-body-keeps-the-score

The acceptance of feelings is an adjustment especially in my experiences. Take away the judgements and see if you have allowed sufficient time to process the emotion psychologically. The brains classifies everything especially unfamiliar emotions as a good or negative reaction. The little monkey(ego) wants to feed on the emotions or throw it out of the cage. At uncomfortable emotional situations the brain looking back or forward trying to make sense of it. Big problem the brain hates being present with the emotion ,so train the mind to shut down the little monkey(ego) with meditation. Quick 15 minute meditation can quiet the ego , process emotions easier to be truly present.

Things that are past are needless to blame because you cant change the past, you can only change your perspective. I can relate to this and coined the phrase where’s there blame there is pain. The soul is strangled by the ego holding on to attachments in life. Problem we have with attachments it can become our identity because the ego believes accolades are what the true self needs from a earthly perspective. Accepting that one day we are all going to lose this earthly body is reality that is often pushed back into the darkest recess of the mind. The duality of the world we came into in human existence is the illusion that puts a vail over our consciousness. Acceptance at a deeper level as Carl Jung likens it to the shadow work can be scary. This gives you insight to untangle the soul because the shadow of the soul can reveal aspects that have been hidden. Take away the judgements or blame and see what lessons or aspects it relates to the authentic self. Illustrate that a car needs fixing may at times stripping back the engine to to reconfigure or renew a broken part. You wouldn’t criticised or blame the broken part but adjust it or replace it. The mechanic would use skill and attention to optimised the car to its capacity again. Similar fashion shadow work is accepting the flaws and if they can be repaired or adjusted do the work. This requires time and effort and investigation to the dark side of our nature. Uncovering painful aspects of the false self may see the shinning true self lurking below the surface. Allowing and accepting the soul to shine by removing blame from the vocabulary you will transcend to a heavenly perspective.

 

 

Behaviour Patterns: Tolerance and Avoidance

“A good decision is based on knowledge and not on numbers.” Plato

Understanding the whys and how’s of a subject sharpens the perception as a wider conception. For example: How the car engine works and why does it work can help the mechanic to repair and maximise the use of the vehicle. The mind is the engine or drive of a person life taking them in the direction they perceive is best route. In a similar fashion the overview of the mind is linked to the behaviour of the person. The mind is the most complicated piece of apparatus in the universe that scientist, theologians, and philosophers still can’t come to a unanimous conclusion on why and how it works in one small spectrum of this phenomena.

A car enthusiast may not know the complete picture of the car but still loves to tinker at the weekend to enhance its performance because of its owner passion. I am that enthusiast who enthusiasm leads me to explore under the bonnet of our psyche about the mind. The intricate models of Psychology (a passion of mine) can be overwhelming to assimilate but fascinating to discover.

I will endeavour to explore and explain one component close to my heart(psychology) is the first part of this series, the topic of Tolerance and Avoidance. I believe they are closely linked in behaviour strategies. The article about modern genetic engineering in plants discovering the benefits due to climate change in plants of their resilience of two substrates Tolerance and Avoidance. The article said “Drought-responsive genes in C3 or C4 photosynthesis plant species are a rich source of target genes for genetic engineering to improve drought tolerance; identified important candidate genes underpinning drought avoidance and tolerance through systems biology””. https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpls.2020.00394/full

The useful technologies the scientist researching will enable crops to have an equilibrium in the species mechanism to benefit humanity in times of unpredictability due to climate change. In Psychological terms the landscape of behaviour patterns is uncertain from unpredictable events from conception to the fully grown adult in society. The seasons of a person life will have an effect intrinsically sometimes not manifesting till later in life. The coping strategies learnt from childhood and beyond will influence a behaviour pattern.

The why and how a person acts are not apparent to the individual because it is a pattern that can be hidden(subconscious) or not recognised at times. There are many precursors to a person behaviour that can’t be explained in one post. The developing self-continues to be influenced as one reference said” cultivate it’s behaviour from the surrounding in which he(she) is nourished. For example, parents and friends as a surrounding to a teenager, where they influence the teenager’s life and actions and so on alters his/her behaviour” https://www.researchgate.net/publication/307122556_Psychological_patterns_of_human_behavior

Tolerance is an interesting word in etymology that gives a clearer picture. Toleration is derived from French root word to carry, the opposite to avoidance. Another perspective of the word says” The specific religious sense is from 1609; as in Act of Toleration (1689), statute granting freedom of religious worship (with conditions) to dissenting Protestants in England. In this it means “recognition of the right of private judgment in matters of faith and worship; liberty granted by the government to preach and worship as one pleases; equality under the law without regard to religion.” https://www.etymonline.com/search?q=tolerance

Further research of tolerance from a psychological perspective I came across a scientific paper explaining the neural reward processing modulated by approach- and avoidance-related to personality traits. Before we explore the findings in layman terms the brain has two switches Aversion (Avoidance) and one switch reward. It involves a lot more than opposing switches but that’s the top-down model I mentioned (limbic system is used from bottom-up model). http://opentranscripts.org/transcript/molecular-mechanisms-reward-aversion/.

The question of nature and nurture not nature verses nature led me to this significant paper on the BAS and BIS neural pathways in the brain. The paper defines “The behavioural activation system (BAS) is conceptualized as a motivational system which primarily responds to stimuli of reward and non-punishment. In contrast, the behavioural inhibition system (BIS) is considered an attentional system sensitive to signals of punishment and non-reward, promoting inhibition of appetitive responses and an increase in arousal and attention to relevant cues. https://www-sciencedirect-com.libezproxy.open.ac.uk/science/article/pii/S1053811909009951#fig1

To illustrate this mechanism: Imagine a child has two choices or two types of parenting. Parent number one says: If you eat all your cabbage, you can have a reward of a few sweets after dinner (BAS). Parent number two says” If you don’t eat your cabbage you are going to bed early (BIS). In summary the article concluded that the approach or motivation of a person behaviour is linked to the personality traits that needs further investigation. In the experiment of monetary rewards, it says in the results of the data” The analyses for the contrast “anticipation of reward (1 Euro and 20 cents) versus anticipation of no reward” revealed increased activation in the right ventral striatum including the nucleus accumbens.” This section of the brain is the motivation of behaviour linked to the Basal ganglia system which I have mentioned extensively in my book What are You Afraid of? Take the fear out of fear. https://www.amazon.co.uk/What-Are-You-Afraid-Take/dp/B08SB26FZM/ref=sr_1_1?crid=YB1W4E1CIITL&keywords=what+are+you+afraid+of+steve+hyne&qid=1640094011&sprefix=what+are+you+afraid+of+steve+hyne%2Caps%2C64&sr=8-1

For quick 2-minute video of Nucleus Accumbens role in the brain https://youtu.be/3_zgB19TE-M

The behaviour of an individual is not just biological systems in the brain it’s the innate qualities of the person. “Character is thought to reflect conscious, maturation-related influences on personality, while Temperament is thought to reflect instinctive, biologically-based influence” Jackson, C.J. and Smillie, L.D. (2008) ‘How Introspections Concerning Cloninger’s Concepts of Temperament and Character Influence Eysenckian Personality Structure’, Current psychology (New Brunswick, N.J.), 27(4), pp. 257–276. doi:10.1007/s12144-008-9039-5.

In a previous post I showed the evidence of how genetics has input into who we are as a disposition towards genetic behaviour. https://2020learningmind.com/2020/10/04/genetics-behaviour-patterns/

Examining several pieces of the jigsaw there is tremendous causation for variety in a way a person acts, the why! This is just the beginning of discovering the traits of tolerance in a person persona. Added to the equation lets go back to the example of the mechanic. Imagine the car new owner discovered the vehicle has been abused and neglected for several years. They never serviced the car, forgot to maintain it, and drove the car recklessly. The results will become apparent with the car in due time. The smooth transition of gear change and ease of the braking system to make the journey maybe dangerous or uncomfortable due to neglect. The brain of a person will adapt to unhelpful responses if damaged by trauma or neglect. For example, the roots of tolerance may be linked to parenting of a child. One source said in conclusion of its paper “examining personality development, transactions between child and parent over time are crucial, and these complex, dynamic relations can only inform the trajectory to adult personality when multiple individual characteristics of both entities (i.e., organism and context) are carefully considered.” https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6411068/

Our perception of tolerance may have a shadow from the past in form of experiences and beliefs systems. The self-report of how see our tolerance is not always accurate because of bias so why not ask a friend for frank appraisal of your tolerance level. https://www.verywellmind.com/definition-of-self-report-425267

I did a personality test as part of my research for a book I’m working on earlier. I knew my archetype and was curious If it had changed, it is still the same INFJ. The test isn’t definitive but gives you idea of your persona. http://www.humanmetrics.com/personality The conception of tolerance has its limits because we all have our likes and dislikes. The different types of tolerances is comprehensive in the academic scale because Distress Tolerance have Symptoms and Disorders that clinicians are interested in. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2891552/

“A study on human behaviour has revealed that 90% of the population can be classified into four basic personality types: Optimistic, Pessimistic, Trusting and Envious” https://www.uc3m.es/ss/Satellite/UC3MInstitucional/en/Detalle/Comunicacion_C/1371223155576/1371216052182/A_study_on_human_behavior_has_identified_four_basic_personality_types I would say that a person personality type according to this has a strong influence towards tolerance. For example, my personality is Optimistic, I would go one step further even since a young child I believed I was eternal optimist. A hereditary trait I have inherited thanks to my grandmother, the old Victorian mantra “get on with it mentality. (lol) I always endeavour to look for the positive in people or the lessons learned in life. Imagine a pessimistic personality would be less tolerant of others and themselves.

In conclusion of this introduction to tolerance. The reasons I have put forward of a person tolerant nature are not conclusive but like an enthusiastic patron of the mind, it is the beginning to see the mechanics of the process of behaviour from different substrates. The next post explores the limitations of tolerance and how it is linked to avoidance. One reason I miss my beloved wife Kate (she has passed on), because she had a low tolerant level because of her fiery nature. She was the yang energy as I am more like the yin, so we balanced each other. Tolerance has its limits and how can we navigate the this behaviour pattern? Will be one question to explore from an objective perspective.

Judgements foundations in bias towards the self(YOU)

Judgements are essential for survival and positive growth. The judgements are cognitive decisions in a hierarchy of systems in the mind. The foundation of many cognitive choices are bias because it saves time and energy for the mind. For example if you didn’t react quick enough from a threat or danger you will die because you didn’t react in time. The body and mind remembers events so you can move immediately to avoid the threat. The fight or flight response ramps up your nervous system to save you from your enemy. This is a brief overview how important personal experiences are remembered to serve and save you. We will see there is also a negative effect to this amazing response system.

According to Kant theory of judgements( a philosopher who explored the question of judgements especially from a moral perspective) ignores the psychological appprecepton ( collection of ideas or systems) but focuses on cognition or thinking. His approach is more scientific being objective but I believe you also need to look at the mind from a subjective evaluation because this is the foundation of who the person mind is built on a lifetime of personal perceptions.

In Kants theory of judgements he classifies different judgments but for simplicity I will touch on some of his key ideas. His idea of making judgements have to be logical or objective to serve the person choices. This is rational because we link or classify ideas into groups for ease of access in the mind. The problem with this filing system will be impeached or corrupted with psychological systems like spilt coffee on the file will leave a stain. We all like to think we are competent and logical but our biases are the coffee stains on some of our files. This correlates to the HPA axis I mentioned earlier for the body and mind to go into top gear effortlessly when the mind senses threat. Added to the equation our beloved subconscious mind makes the choice before the executive prefrontal cortex has chance to regulate the situation. Have you ever just missed a car or object that was going to hit you? Your body pumps up the adrenaline and your heart goes in a pounding sensation and your breathe changes. In the right circumstances our beloved subconscious is our friend but sometimes it pulls out the coffee stained files and you panicked and become irrational before you know it.

This post is focusing on the self not others , the next post I will address that situation.

Many writers use the term inner critic, but I prefer Sigmund term the ego. He made the term accessible to the public and rightly so because many of our or most of our mental , emotional and cognitive problems relate to the I , self , ego or YOU. Your ego has learned behaviour patterns and by this vital component of the mind helps you make sense of the world. The ego experiences will have programs from memories that you will not have easy access to because of memory consolidation and retrieval. The good news you can wipe the coffee stains from some of the files making access to clear programs for rational choices and thinking. Our mind makes evaluations on objects , people and environments etc because it loves being the job of librarians. The library has system to find a particular book easy to navigate the million of books save time and efficiency similar to the brain.

The frontal lobe is the decision maker or librarian of the brain but it doesn’t have autonomous management like a dictator. It has input from other areas of the brain to function effectively. As mentioned earlier the autonomic nervous system has its influence mediating across the networks or the many shelf’s relating to the subject. Compounded to the million bits of information the brain processes also uses memory as an indicator of action.

The big problem with the brain it can often be incorrect in judgements in small details and this can cause confirmation bias by incorrect data that is not rational. The coffee stained book is synced with other books in the library of your mind as fact but it is not.

The mind is only as effective by the correct training it received of information. This is clearly shown by feral children who been taught information by animals and they act like animals. There was one case of a Eastern European girl in the 1990 who lived with dogs and her language and behaviour resembled dogs very disturbing if you see the footage.

We live in a society that constantly changes with new information and updates of previous knowledge. The educated classes that are normally wealthier have access to the latest perspective and are trained especially at universities to be objective in thinking faculties. This has been a practice for centuries but many individuals broke the class distinction and educated themselves. The biography of Abraham Lincoln is outstanding story of a man who did this. The technologies have given the average person to access of information through the internet that has helped the world to learn many new concepts. Again due to subjective personal biases much of the information is incorrect with no empirical evidence to back up the statements or judgements.

One solution is to make an honest appraisal of the judgements especially about the self. Many of the judgements our mind continues to pull out from the myriad of coffee stained files of our memories are just not true. To contradict negative biases is another obstacle because of the social brain been taught to not question the tribe for survival.

In conclusion in this post here are a few questions to see if your judgements about yourself are actually true or coffee stained information of the past.

Body image questions

I am ugly?

What is ugly? Who said you were ugly?

Intellect questions

I am stupid?

What is stupid? Who said you were stupid and when?

Religious questions

God is going to kill me?

Who said God is going to kill you and why?

Did God shake your hand and tell you face to face he is going to kill you?

Financial questions

I will never have enough money?

What is enough money?

Why can’t you have enough money who told you?

These are some ideas to question yourself and discover the root of the personal judgements. They could of originated with family members , in society , or friends judgements we accepted as authentic and these coffee stains got lost in our library.

Another person perspective is their view and often they make judgements using thier biases without knowing. The important fact from this post is what feels right for you is important because only you know deep down if that judgement are authentic. Finally it is ok to make mistakes in the past , that is what being human is . Today is a fresh day and a new you so dissolve the past judgments and be present the greatest gi gift you will always have.

Don’t be too hard on yourself

Acceptance: What Do You Want?

“Start by doing what’s necessary; then do what’s possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible.” Francis of Assisi

 

Acceptance is a radical transformation for many because of the years of servitude to others without awareness. Our programs we have learnt from a critical period in life is from preconception of the egg through the first 3 years of life as a human. I will use a direct quote from a UK 2020 report to emphasis this aspect for you. Further reading if interested (The best start for life. GOV.UK 2021) 

“The 1,001 days from pregnancy to the age of two set the foundations for an individual’s cognitive, emotional and physical development. There is a well- established and growing international consensus on the importance of this age range; it is part of the World Health Organisation’s Global Strategy for Women’s, Children’s, and Adolescents’ Health1, the UNICEF Baby Friendly Initiative1, and in England, both the NHS Long Term Plan and Public Health England’s 2016 guidance on “giving every child the best start in life”.

Imagine your parents’ environment before your conception up to the age of 2 years. Enquire if you can to see what challenges they had to deal with. This will build a picture of your subconscious patterns from an external influence. The beliefs, anxieties and life patterns will influence the perception of what your parents wanted for you according to their reality and core beliefs. This is the foundation of you are with your ongoing experiences in life. As a parent I recognise at times I could have done things differently. Parents will make mistakes, and this is passed onto the child. This isn’t a blame mentality, it is understanding that most parents did their best, but at times got it wrong. The big question is as an adult now: WHAT DO YOU WANT? There a no right answers because we all have different personalities and tastes and core beliefs. It may take weeks, months, or years to unravel the self from the entanglement of external projections of others. A tool to help you find out what you want is an old post. I put an overview of one of my favourite public speakers on person development by dear old Jim Rohn

Personally, I have been untangling the weeds and stones of hidden negative beliefs and it takes hard work to be brutally honest with the self. Recently I wrote down me four main areas for change or what I wanted in overall pattern to simplify the process. This is idea for you to find out what you want as an example, it is not a rule because you’re not Steve Hyne. Generally, we have the same basic wants and needs and there has been much research on this. I mentioned this in a previous post 

I decided to use a vision board to remind my brain as opened my computer to reprogram my subconscious mind. Here is a copy below

 

Intention or Obligation

Responsibilities we have taken on could be our own intentions but a careful examination we may discover it was placed on us from someone else. This is difficult because our natural response is to thrive in a tribe due to the social brain. From a survival perspective it makes common sense to be with a group. That could include family, friends, and organisation’s, a lifetime of connections. A typical therapeutic question to ask objectively: Are they serving your needs or are you serving their needs? I will write a few questions to see if your life is Your intention or others obligations as examples to reflect on. This maybe hard hitting, don’t judge others, judge your motives of why you do it.

1 The parents say I should think of the family reputation?

2 Your friends say you need to buy this or do that?

3 Your Boss ask you for lots of favours and its not in the contract?

4 The church says Gods going to judge you for this or that?

5 The children say it’s not fair?

These examples may discover if you are a people pleaser because you can’t say no because of fear of rejection. The irony in life there are individuals you can never please and that not your responsibility.  The life we have has choices, and we can accept to live with others obligations if that’s what we want or live a life with intention.

What is intention and does it work? 

The word intention gives an idea of purpose, aim, and what one intends to accomplish. The law of attraction simple theory is what we focus on is what appears in our life. For a scientific and practical step how to implement this is in my book written in easy to grasp concepts to build on. It would make a lovely Christmas gift or present for yourself. 

We know our thoughts and intentions influence our reality because marketing is so rampant in the world especially on social media. In one stat shows in USA spends over 31 billion dollars (Statista). For example If I mention the words finger licking or your worth it or just do it immediately the brain remembers the brand. 

In my previous post (below) the picture above from quantum level with two influence’s that are in every cell. One I named Quantum higher force and the other Intentional higher consciousness. One day I might write a book explaining this in deeper level and explain the science and theology etc. The quantum higher force is in many religions what they call God again this is subjective to many ideologies.  The Intentional Higher consciousness is our perception of our existence. Animals and plants have different levels of consciousness and humans are at the top. But this is subjective again because simply put we get in the way of our own focus. Our perception could be smothered with other people’s concepts and the brain has personal bias, with hidden programmes, we all have them. If both influences (QHF + IHC) are in unison you will transcend to the authentic self, some call it enlightenment.

Where does your attention flow?

If you spend most of your time with negative influences, you will probably be a reflection of that experience. We have mirror neurons and even if we don’t agree with other concepts but continue listen or watch the experience, it will affect our internal subconscious network. The other big question is time, time is a rare resource because one day you will run out of time. In simple English DIE. Imagine you only had one year left how would you spend it? I’m sure you wouldn’t worry about those five questions I mentioned earlier. 

“Start by doing what’s necessary; then do what’s possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible.” Francis of Assisi lived by what he preached, and his focus was on his passion for Christ.  He started on a path that led him be a who he wanted to be, he wasn’t swayed by family, church, or material goods. He accepted his mission and is remembered by many different religious organisations and governments as remarkable man. (Biography.com) Not everyone has the same vision in life, and I am thankful because we need a variety of skills on this planet. 

Acceptance is what you want because there is only one of you and you are special. Your talents can bring untold blessings for yourself and for everyone in your circle of life. The great artist was preceded by another artist that inspired them. You can find your inspiration by reading and learning from others and one day that could be you

Summary of Acceptance = Love yourself then you will Accept yourself unconditionally then you can love the world by being your authentic self!

 

Acceptance is to have what you love

Acceptance is the First Step to Change

Acceptance

“We cannot change anything until we accept it. Condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses.” Carl Jung

We all want to be accepted by friends, family, and society but the judgements of others and even ourselves is a bitter pill to swallow. This is very emotive perception for many because their identity can be fixed in stone for many different reasons. I will focus on the primary driver from a personal perspective briefly examining some of the biological reasons why acceptance is hard.

Acceptance is the important catalyst for change in a person’s inner and outer reality.

The brain mechanisms work on a simple premise of reward and aversion. This is connected to our emotional and rational brain.

The rational and emotional brain is being controlled by subconscious patterns of routines. These routines have evolved since our birth of the brain in our mother’s womb. These patterns continue to shape our personality by the choices we have made(brain) and continue to make with the influence of others. 

One example a child(brain) is conditioned by the food it has eaten from birth. The different cultures around the world developed the different flavours and taste we have today. If this was just biological and genetic adaptation of eating food every human would have the same taste palette. A significant reason we differ is reflected in our emotional brain that remembers choices or routines of food from a psychological perspective. For example, new food for an adult can be exciting or dangerous. Some reasons are due to childhood experiences of food. In one country a child may have been in a poverty situation where food is scarce. The limited choice and quality and taste of foods will limit the experiences of the brain. The emotional brain from the parents will continue to emphasise the importance of not wasting food because of poverty so the food experience is dictated by an emotional response of waste is dangerous. The rational brain of the parents will encourage or force the child to eat it. Pressure of consuming the food from parents will convince the brain of the importance of eating or food regardless of taste. The brain is conditioned by these experiences in choices it makes from external influence of not wasting food . The experience is not pleasure free but has a negative connection exploring other foods. The brain is also not use to different taste due to lack of experiences The brain seeks approval and reward by eating the food regardless of the taste inhibiting the experience to a present one of choice. This simple illustration shows how the brain patterns of eating is structured by the emotional and rational brain. There is a lot more to the story of every individual case but hopefully you get the idea of acceptance is a challenge for the brain. I have written a book that encompasses the key elements of our brain patterns and the templates we use in every day life exploring in more detail with the different sciences that merge into a simple concept to assimilate. (Pun intended) 

Requirements for living

Humans are at the top of universal consciousness on planet earth.There are many different levels of consciousness even in our own species , read more about emotional intelligence by great author below.

The animal kingdom has its different levels of intellectual prowess and consciousness and instinct. The evolution of humanity has adapted to the expanded consciousness built on previous generations of knowledge and experience passed on via genetic variation. 

The requirements or needs of today’s civilisation has dramatically changed since millenniums of our ancestors. The simple life of survival has evolved to a complicated state of existence. The consciousness has slowly driven humanity needs to a series of perspectives of wants. For example, the industrial revolution has created machines to propagate the simple age to a modern era of complexity creating a confusing array of choices. 

Abraham Maslow said, “If you plan on being anything less than you are capable of being, you will probably be unhappy all the days of your life.” or my words would be “I ain’t happy with this situation ( cant accept it) but I am going to moan about to the rest of the world till the day I die”.  His review of modern consciousness of humanity needs or requirements stripped back the shackles of commercial, religious, and governmental ideologies.

Further investigation of Maslow work read the excellent work of Scott Barry Kaufman who is a cognitive scientist and humanistic psychologist.

The 3 major categories I have simplified

1: Basic needs = Keep the human alive

2: Psychological needs = Emotional 

3: Consciousness needs = Spiritual and intellectual 

The fundamental structure of Maslow hierarchy of needs cover areas that are neglected because of not having acceptance with the denial mindset in our subconscious patterns. 

Denial of Responsibility or Accept the reality

The common projection of denial is blame others and take a lack of responsibility of our actions. Easy blame our childhood experiences or boss etc for the reality of the present moment. Problem with lack of ownership, you will not change your circumstances. Basically, it’s all in your head or mindsets. For example, the overweight fat child says I was bullied at school and my only friend was food. The poor husband who says I can’t get a good paying job because I’m not educated. The list can go on and on to justify our situation for not acting blaming or pushing the responsibility away. The past has gone, and we can have the opportunity to learn or burn from the past. (The brain hates accepting major core beliefs that need adjusting) Being present now and admitting failure will hurt in many different psychological ways. The rational and emotional brain will have a wrestling match to make sense of the stories we tell ourselves. 

Reflecting on the loss is the start of acceptance: What lessons did I learn about MYSELF? The alternative is to burn in self-pity that leads to more losses of self-worth. Exploring the negative emotions can be used as a catalyst of action. FEEL THE PAIN (use that energy for change) remember it is our responsibility to take hold of acceptance. Failure to feel these negative consequences will help to make different choices. 

The brain can be your friend or enemy it depends on how you train the Ego. The Ego hates admitting mistakes and the normal reaction is to justify its actions to empower the ego. This is complexed mechanism pinned by a lifetime of experiences creating present reality. The core beliefs, motivations, emotional regulation, and much more is You in your present form. 

Let me explain if you had a factory that built cars and it was successful for many years. But now it is not a viable option what would you do? The years of investment includes emotional, Psychological and Physical resources will seem like impossible feat for the Ego because that all it knows. Similarly, the lifetime of behaviour patterns is very hard to change because the brain has invested so many resources into being the present You. Walking away will seem impossible for many. Changing your mindset and taking responsibility and accepting the huge losses and start again is helping you starting a new chapter. (Part 1)

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Acceptance is the first step to change