All posts by Stephen Hyne

I am creative and curious about life. I have a passion for the brain and the psychology of human behaviour. I love the renaissance art, culture and architecture. Music is my best friend follows me on my life journey of discovery.

Focus is the Secret

I have just released my book on Amazon for those dealing with loss. This post not just a sales pitch but how to get from A to B. The secret is Focus with effort and believe it will happen.

I started writhing the book last year with the intention to have the book out before 5th year of my wife’s horrendous battle with cancer and death on 6th Ahugust 2017.

I still have two children at home in education , a small bussiness to run and time is a juggling act. I would get up early evry day spend at least one hour a day writting. That was my first hurdle with focus.

Next obstacle was editing of the book. I was keen to finish it but not been focused on content enough. Sent the book to be edited but no luck there. I nearly gave up idea having book published by the 6th.

After the self pity and discouragment few days later I was focused again. Easy to be knocked back in life and give up. My motivation changed : I am doing it for all those who are suffering and in honour to my late wife. I pulled out all the stops and went for it. I had the goal of editing the book myself in one week no matter what it cost me. I woke up early every day about4/5 am did some work untill 9 am then went to work . Came home worked on the book till 9pm every day. Every waking hour was focus on the book to get it done.

Focus is the secret to get what you want TOTAL RESPONSIBILTY. If you know anyone that is grieving it’s a practical book for them understand the loss. During my grief there wasnt a book that helped me hence why I have written it.


Compassion and forgiveness creates space for mental wealth

Compassion and forgiveness creates space for mental wealth

extract from forth coming book Mental Wealth

The greatest perfection seems inadequate,
But it is unfailing in its usefulness;
What is brimful seems empty,
But it is inexhaustible in its usefulness.
The completely straight seems crooked, the greatest skill seems awkward,
The greatest eloquence seems like stammering.
Activity overcomes cold,
But stillness overcomes heat.
Only by purity and stillness will it will govern the world.

Dao De Jing 45 by Lao Tzu

The apparent paradoxes in one’s mind create confusion, bitterness and limits to the flow of universal experiences that creates mental wealth. A child’s ignorance will cause them to burn their hand and view fire as its enemy. One day, the confusion, bitterness and barriers of hurt come tumbling down as the man recognises the beauty of warmth from the fire.

The chapter focus is to embrace all life challenges with forgiveness to heal the inexhaustible usefulness of compassion. This Mental wealth tool creates an endless space in the mind. Creates freedom to enjoy wonderful life in one’s reality with no limitations. The only obstacle we have on this earth is how we use the mind’s energy of perception.

Exploring Chinese philosophy allows the wisdom to flow into an open heart and mind. This will set the mind free to a pace of serenity for the soul. Energy will manifest itself in the flow of life, either with forgiveness and compassion or bitterness, confusion and restriction.

The great sage said: The greatest perfection seems inadequate. Mental wealth philosophy I encourage is not the focus on perfection or the best life we desire, but recognising the mind unfailing in its usefulness.This is the greatest wealth we will ever have.Being present in the moment eradicating negative judgments about what is happening sharpens the mind use.

Simply reframing a situation can open the mind to opportunities and awe. When you read the whole of the Chines text, the many translations convey the idea of completeness despite the appearance of being empty, crooked, stammering, cold and hot. One translation says at the end of the verse, Serenity keeps the world in order. Taoism’s primary concept of accepting life on its terms as yin and yang. Western thought describes it as polarity of north and south, black and white, up and down etc the opposites create unity or completeness.

Judgements crowd the mind’s potential to experience the wonder and diversity in life DURING THE PRESENT MOMENT. Removing judgments, an observer can explore the powerful lessons of life. The barriers of judgments stop the mind from embracing new ideas and opportunities for growth.

Similar idea in Stoic philosophy. Stoic rumination on judgments that there is no good or bad but only ones desires. Perception is the basis of true knowledge.The focus on peace that emanates from the mind with a persons ethics was not dependant on outcome. Expression of a good death sounds paradoxical but they recognised it was logical that all would die. To be prepared for a good death or embrace it when it comes had no judgments.

Forgiveness and compassion can heal the mind’s erroneous judgments to accept life on its terms. WastIng mental energy invested in convincing ourselves always to be right (elevated ego) and convince the world of our personal deficit of lack is restricting the mind. If we focused the mind on apparent lack or supposedly hurt crowd the mind attracting mental wealth or new perspectives.(the ego takes inventory of losses and hurt) The time and energy misdirected with the minds mismanagement will stop the blessings in life of a positive compassionate mind.

Letting go of apparent losses and lack creates space in the mind for wonder and awesomeness to be present in the mind. Forgiveness straightens the crooked by the perception of the mind. Forgiveness creates space to accept others’ limitations. This great skill seems awkward at first, but compassion will heal the hurt. Allow fresh energy to choose the life you want. Simple truth: we cannot change others, but we can always change our mind with forgiveness and compassion.

The verse encourages activity to overcome a stony (cold) heart or hurt heart. The expectations or beliefs can cause the greatest perfection to seem inadequate. A heart flowing with love has the realisation that to love requires action. The most powerful action starts in the heart. Unleash an energy or feeling is a potential energy to create a better life from within. A mother’s feelings respond to the needs of her children despite the apparent discomfort, but gladly cherishes them because of energy of love. A father runs into a fire save his son because of the energy of love. Action of a stony heart help remove all prejudice from a natural feeling. The ego has a list of demands and remembers the past not being present.

Feeling is the energy of infinite, thought is the realisation of creation

Then stirs the feeling infinite, so felt
⁠In solitude, where we are least alone;
⁠A truth, which through our being then doth melt,
⁠And purifies from self: it is a tone,
⁠The soul and source of music, which makes known
⁠Eternal harmony, and sheds a charm
⁠Like to the fabled Cytherea’s zone,
⁠Binding all things with beauty; — ’would disarm
The spectre of Death had he substantial power to harm.

by Lord Byron, a pseudo-name for George Gordon.

Science, philosophy, religion and commerce have their roots in thoughts. The mind’s game is to convince the beholder and its audience the magnificent ideas of thoughts that create a world of observation. Entrapments of attachments(that includes thought) are an illusion to persuade the soul and mind to join in matrimony. Acquisition of ideas, objects and platitudes comforts the soul with a fleeting pleasure, but passion is knocking on the door of life.

Energy of love intoxicates the lover to embrace its quest to conquer the limits of yesterday. Anger burns into a fury of rage to destroy the malevolence of contradictions of judgments and perception. Sadness wraps its arms around the illusion of joy and peace. While laughter smiles in the face of death and life. Feelings is energy in action displayed by interal and external displacment.

Feelings are the ambassadors of the senses fighting for the cause of concepts. Senses embellish the ideology of the soul and mind. Without sensations and feelings, the monochrome of existence will destroy thought to a vacuum of nothingness. The mind plays with ideas from the past and projects them into the future with the eminence of a god.

The unknown is known only by the known. The senses are the masters of all creation, not the illusion of thought who believes in its illustrious grandiose omniscient facade. Energy transmuted by induction is a response according to a system built on predicate laws.

Quantum relationships in the known material universe are the amount of energy proportional to electromagnetic frequency or field. Superposition and entanglement determine the basic building blocks of all energy direction via natural laws with vibration and frequency to a manifestation as a creation. The thought or law is already in place as a system BUT it is the feeling as the energy of infinite that stirs the soul.

The paradox there is zero energy in the known material universe. The positive energy needed to separate the two pieces of matter, gravity, and negative energy, to pull them together. Negative gravitational energy cancels positive energy in the basic building blocks of all energy. To understand this, I refer to the thermodynamic is a closed system. In this metaphor of a container, all matter, radiation, space are contained in a unit with zero energy.

Now digesting these thoughts, read Byron’s poem again.

Imagine he was describing the universal energy of the infinite. The complete material universe of everything is in solitude, where we are least alone. Now he is describing quantum physics. Energy or feeling purifies from self. The frequency or vibration is a tone, ⁠the soul and source of music. ⁠ Next, he focuses on the corelation of thermodynamics, binding all things with beauty. Finally, he says a poignant idea of existence. Spectre of Death had the substantial power to harm. When the brain dies, thoughts die, but the energy of the soul or consciousness or motion of feelings continues in the frequency or vibration of life. My synopsis of a god is infinite energy based on a feeling (energy) that is unconditional (the natural laws of a system) not on rational thought that dies with its judgment as a concept.

The virtue of Respect supporting Personal Boundaries

“Respect your life and others will have a choice to respect themselves,” Steve Hyne

Respecting a person’s privacy, respecting a person’s dwellings and respecting a person’s identity are an emotive subjects. Respect in different cultures can mean a completely new perspective from one’s own narrative. I will not focus this topic on systems of ideology or dogmatism, but from a subjective point of view as an insight in my own life, but a thesis of contemplation in the modern world.

Reason I came to this arena of philosophy is because of my quest to improve my awareness of how I perceive my mind interpretation of my present life with the goal of improvement in practical living. It is easy to continue the same old life with little thought or contemplation.

Chinese philosophy has inspired me on virtues from Confucian teachings. At this conjuncture from a political orthodoxy, present governance would benefit from reading the lessons. One quote from the inspiring civil servant Confucius said: If you look after the people, the people will look after you.

Baruch Spinoza’s ethics of virtues is another source of relating to the world and one’s interpretation as a function of being. Recently reading again Benjamin Franklin’s Autobiography life pattern as he implemented the system of virtues.

Virtue is the bull work of who you are and how you relate to yourself and the greater world. I have realised that gurus, eminent philosophers and other mediums don’t understand your personal world but only give a fraction of insight because of their subjective insight. The best life anyone can live is from the internal navigation of personal virtues, Carl Jung said, to have their own personal myth. Here is an illustration show how the individual mind is always subjective.

The sail boat needs the natural elements and winds to navigate the waters from A to B, ones intended destination. According to one resource optimun sailing (,

Use shoal-thermals to gain distance

Calculate sea-breeze strength

Expect gusty onshore winds near steep headlands

Watch out for gusty offshore winds

Take advantage of cat’s-paws

Who has the responsibility to take control of the boat, especially if only you are on it? The natural winds are not aimed towards our preferences, occasionally we have the luck on our side. The sailor has to decide moment by moment to use the slip stream to maximise the flow. Our subjective influence is imperative to arrive safely at one’s destination not just in sailing but also in riding the ocean of life.

Respect origin from Latin word that conveys the idea act of looking back. The verb conveys the idea regarding notice with especial attention. The Hebrew word respect coveys the idea of Honor while the Classical Greek word conveys the idea of reverence to the gods. From Greek mythology, Eusebia was the personified spirit of piety, loyalty, duty and filial respect. The word associated in the bible rending godliness or devotion to God’s commands. For Platonists, eusebeia means the right conduct regarding the gods. For the Stoics, the idea of empirical knowledge of how God should be worshiped from subjective perception.

The reason I wanted to explain roots of respect according to etymology of the word is a substrate of western thought throughout Europe and the Americas.

I was raised as a fundamental christian and have a Jewish father. The religious connotation of respect is always a reference to external factors. I have experienced conventions of respect from a punitive stimulus, not a personal responsibility of virtuous conduct in the absolute.

I am respectful of other religions but not affiliated with any, as I perceive the responsibility of ethical responsibilities is ornate and subjective, similar to the idea of Stoic philosopher.

Eastern culture, from my research and personal experience, treats you as a god out of respect according to their thousand of years hierarchy systems both in India, Japan and China. Combination of fear and family system reinforced the platitude of respect in eastern and western thought.

Elevated consciousness has led to a proliferation of concepts, as humanity endeavours to reach new heights of understanding. Innovation, engineering, technologies changed the world’s landscape in the name of progress.

Open floor of new thought over the last two thousand years seen the rise and fall of dictators, regimes, slavery causing impeachment for the soul.

Respect your life and others will have a choice to respect themselves. Freedom of thought is the benchmark of maturity. Question I endeavour to ponder on is: Where does this idea, feeling and thought come from and is it important to me?

Respecting life as a personal gift is a fundamental blessing for me. Recognising the challenges I have encountered due to not having respect for myself, as my boundaries were not in place. Easy to blame others as there will be no internal search of responsibility. Religion and politics use scapegoats to escape the personal responsibility to respect.

Taking control of one’s thoughts and feelings is the start of respecting one’s boundaries and others’ rights. I call this scenario the consequence chain. One idea leads to a thought, then thought ruminates on bias with the influence of emotions.

One of my tricksters was after a hard day, either stress or physical exhaustion, often both. I need a glass of wine, then add a bar of chocolate then waste several hours watching numbing tv drama. This is not wrong, but the initial thought was I need this became a chain of events wasting an opportunity, something I rather do.

Organised the idea of respect in order to different category is a good place to investigate. Here are a few ideas to consider for personal growth and it will enrich your respect with greater boundaries.

1 Do I respect my body with the ingestion of food and liquids?

2 Do I respect my time as a function of personal responsibility?

3 Do I respect my resources not wasting them on trivia?

4 Do I respect my mind with insights and enlightenment?

5 Do I respect my authentic self and listen to my heart?

Implementing personal boundaries with respect elevates awareness and mental clarity. The brain has a lazy machine operating system focused on reward or aversion. Respecting the gift of choice as a wonderful opportunity to enjoy every moment will serve you as the director of your life, not as a dictator.

Does God have favourites?

Does God have favourites?

Every human has preferences in life from the colour of a piece of clothing to that special tasty meal. The human experience is full of wonderful delights in a diversified natural world of choice.

 Contrasted to the natural world, human civilisations, and cultures have manipulated the choices to weird and wonderful spectrum of what is acceptable to the abhorrent evil and heavenly choices of preference.

Does God have favourites? I have used the simplist word for God to define something greater than ourselves as a broad term. We can’t define accurately what, where, how, etc. because everyone has a subjective approach and experience.

Politics, social reform and religion have made their mark in history changing what are the ways of living from a dualist perspective. Anthropologist delights in exploring the contrasting thoughts of ancient civilisations exploring the experiences of humans in their activities of worship, governance, work and pleasures.

During the dark ages esoteric revelations of the divine plan confront the mainstream structure of hierarchy religious bodies as its interpretations of what God likes and dislikes.

Philosophers have added their flavour of the day to what was became a new muse: the metaphysics of God and its preferences. Everyone, regardless of creed, will have their own concepts adjusted from their perspective on how they believe God views the world. This topic will probably enrage the stanch believers on how they perceive the eyes of God or it might make the agnostic quandary about a higher intelligence.

These views are my theories ,thoughts and probably have elements introduced by philosophers, scientists, anthropologists and gods knows who (double pun intended).

Thoughts are concepts, science and religion cannot say what came first with absolute accuracy in the material universe, but I will say it was thought. Before we existed, did the God decide Christians and not as good as Hindus?

This obvious prejudice is not in alignment with nature. Logically, is one breed of animal superior to another? New Ideas don’t destroy reality, but create new experiences or species. Higher intelligence experiences a different perspective that can lead to new ways of perceiving information that was already there.(Paradox of time and infinite knowledge in duality)

The word favourite in English came from Old French word faveur, giving the idea of approval, praise; applause; partiality. In Italian, the word for favorite conveys the concept of a competition of a person who seems most likely to win a race. (common expression in English is: a safe bet., it determines a person’s choice but not a favourite). We use the idea of favorite to say what delights us the most or deserves our attention. I see this in the branding of advertising to pull the consumer into its lure of an unprepared capitalist trap of spending more. This is also true with the monopoly of religious thought especially in Europe through the centuries influencing the choices of either good or bad.

Humanity does not know all the answers. We don’t live long enough to assimilate all ideas and concepts of God have accurate idea. Added to this quest, the natural law of the maternal universe is entropy. Nothing is constant in our universe, which causes confusion about many spiritual philosophies. A schizophrenic god or a monogenous dictator. God who is everywhere or a god who cannot be found who lives in heaven or hell. The uncanny list is endless..

The idea of a soul creates an answer for a human transition with a one-way ticket to an ultimate prize in or out. Again, depending on Aristotle or Plato, the thought of the soul is visible or invisible. Does God favour the soul before, during, or after life on earth?

Chinese philosophy calls the cosmos the great Dao. It recycled everything, including humans into the great pot of exsistance . Shinto similarities with Greek gods or (Shinto spirits) mixture of blessings or woes from supernatural force who needs appeasing escape wrath. Gods favourites is not dependent on human activity but on the spirits or gods’ moods of the time.

From another constraint of atheist, there is no God. Where does consciousness go when a person dies? Where did consciousness start before or after the big bang? Only Gods knows lol.

These few questions highlight the notion we don’t know all the answers. The rational mind of a human has to admit we can’t be dogmatic because to follow this philosophy would be childish and ignorant.

A curious mind of the idea of God’s perspective is always from a limited human perspective, with the possibility of many hidden biases. I would say everyone has biased and that is part of human experience.

Favouritism definition says: unfair support shown to one person or a group or especially someone in authority. (Cambridge dictionary) How do you feel when you are not treated fairly? Most agree that separation cause distress if there is preferential treatment. I am a parent of 4 children but love each of them as individual not a replica of me or their mother. This understanding as a father or mother accepts and loves the children, even if the child lacks knowledge. Why would I have favourites? It would hurt the other children’s feelings? What would this say about me as an incompetent parent who is weak that needs reassurance? Unconditional love from a caregiver is essential for a child to prosper psychologically, emotionally, mentally, and physically. Conversely, harsh treatment and prejudice stunt the growth of the person’s natural response to interpersonal relationships.

Diversity provides a variety of plant and animal life for us to enjoy. In nature, the ecosystems of mycorrhizal and symbiotic relationships are essential. The yin and yang of life provide the million of systems to operate independently but as one complete unit. The cooperation of life as one unit does not evade a single bacteria single cell organism as good or bad, but is essential to the cosmos.


Enlightened alchemist magician


How do you ignite the spark of initiation? Becoming an enlightened alchemist magician. The archetype of a magicianappears to create from nothing something mysterious and wonderful. Expression of miracles and feeling spellbound by seeing miracles are not always an illusion. Examples of priest, faith healers, shamans, witch doctors and others creating something from nothing.

Alchemist specialises in alchemy of transforming the impossible into the possible. They tune into their intuitive powers and follow their instincts. Intuition enemy is the ego because it uses rational, conscious human thought of acceptance in present with human terms. Example of mothers and their children have a knowing that child is not well even when not in the same vicinity. Carl Jung said about intuition, intuition gives outlook and insight; it revels in the garden of magical possibilities as if they were real. This experience is subjective. It comes from the internal person’s awareness. Common phrases are a hunch, a gut feeling, follow my heart etc. Often the intuition appears woo woo or stupid to others from their ego or rational brain it wouldn’t be the right choice.

I refer now to the description of the Enlightened alchemist magician. Enlightened archetype referred as the sage. The sage has wisdom with no bias, based on a higher dimension of knowledge or elevated consciousness. Imagine you were in a dark place and restricted in what direction to take. An old man has a bright light, instantly appears, lighting up the space. Now you have a clear vision of where you want to go. The expression of a lightbulb moment or inspiration comes like a flash.

Break this down to practical application on how to adopt this Enlightened alchemist magician to have access to initiation that leads to intentions that create nothing to find your dreams.

Enlightened person root is their attitude. Attitude attracts or repels different energies. Arrogant person believes they are always right. Their self importance will cause barriers from the internal mind that cannot grow. If the king is arrogant, the people suffer. The biggest problem we ever have in our life is our self. It is NO one responsibility BUT OUR OWN. Enlightened person looks at the bigger picture than their self. Wise old man has an open mind on the journey, understands in their search for truth no one is right or wrong. (Paradox, but enlightened person accepts this in their life even uncomfortable at times). Practical advice: look at a situation with fresh eyes of leaning and understanding and the mask of reality will reveal opportunities for mental wealth and growth.

Alchemist is a scientist in life, discovering new ways to change. Ancient times they endeavoured to find the recipe for making gold. Practical advice: If you don’t change, your world will not change. We have a choice on how to feel and on how to think. Mental wealth will only embrace your life with feelings made of gold and thinking swimming in gold. Chemistry of your internal world is a choice of purifying your soul with love or corrupting it with fear. You are the alchemist.

Magician has vision with mysterious abilities to create nothing into something or make things disappear. Transformation is a key ingredient of their life and acts. They appear to have secret knowledge. The word occult literally means hidden wisdom. The church in the dark ages persecuted the magicians, witches,etc, because they wanted total control in Europe of state and religion. Practical advice: Change life with a magical perspective of having faith in the impossible by changing ideas holding you prisoner. Secret wisdom love yourself unconditionally and the entire universe unconditionally and miracles will happen attracting mental wealth in life.mental wealth

Eliminate the small for the great

Eliminate the small for the great

excerpt from forth coming book mental wealth

Time is your budget for success

Human life expectancy is variable depending on lots of factors. According to one report, the average age worldwide to live is 72 years. This is a number as a guide to eliminate the small for the great to show importance of action. I link motivation to consequences in short term and long term of the overall greater good of a person’s life. Time is finite in human terms and I have seen that in real time. I can remember clearly on the 23rd of December 2014 at the hospital after they diagnosed my wife with cancer, these words etched into my mind we are talking years before your wife dies with terminal cancer, not months. On 6th August 2017 at 11 am, she passed on at young age of 45. Time has no mercy, but it gives opportunities to embrace ones greatness on earth. Never take time for granted. It is the gift of human experience.

We all sleep about a third of our time as a necessary part of living. Use our example of 72 years is now reduced to 48 years in the budget of time. Now we are going to take away another important part of the human foundation in the development of childhood of the first 18 years. That leaves us with the figure of 30 years. You can break this down to 10,90 days. Object of this exercise is to help you focus on the life you want to choose with mental wealth.

Questions help you focus on the time you have as a disposable asset.

Do I want to spend all my time in this job I don’t enjoy for the sake of money?

Do I want to spend all this time paying all my debts?

Do I want to spend all this time pleasing some else?

Do I want to waste this time in quick fixes?

What are my top 10 bucket list in my life and when am I going to do them?

Does this activity define my virtues and legacy?

Time spent is an investment of being great, or is it making you feel small? Money is not a precursor of mental wealth. Western society hypnotises the masses into servitude of service. Propaganda to have big houses, extravagant vehicles, glamourous careers, etc. I have seen with my own eyes husbands and wives working all the hours under the sun to service the burdensome debt. The irony, from a rational perspective, the large homes are an empty majority of the week and the cars in work carparks idle. From my personal experience, I had a large home, fancy cars, but the debt was a burden stopping us as a family embracing life. We made a hard decision to change priorities to a different life. Thankfully, we did at the right time before they diagnosed my wife with a terminal illness. This was a blessing in disguise for the whole family spend more time together in pleasant memories before my wife’s time ran out.

Resources, as mentioned in this chapter, primary is energy. Energy management is a personal responsibility. If you wake up exhausted because spent endless hours watching Netflix or working too hard, no one else is to blame. Taking responsibility makes a person great and a small person shifts the blame to someone or something else. This is imperative to who you want to be relating back to your virtues. For example, if one of your virtues is to be wise, here are a few questions to reflect on.

Is it wise to waste this resource on a quick fix or a greater view of the situation?

Is it wise to put all my resources into this activity?

Is this activity teaching me to be wise or limiting my potential for growth?

Will this drain my resources or compound them?

Resources of assets are important from a material perspective, but you are more important than anything else. Oscar Wilde said be yourself; everyone else is already taken. Mental wealth focus is developing the real you from the inside out. One of the greatest hurdles humanity faces is the fear of not having others’ approval or simply put love. The chapter on compassion explore importance of self love and compassion being great and having mental wealth.

Think and reflect intensely on this idea. What is the greatest thing any human can have? I would say is the freedom to think and feel the way you are. No one can deny you as a person, whose feelings and thoughts are manifest in the world. Animals have their own personalities, so humans may express and be who they want to be. Diversity is human greatest potential that enriches civilisations, cultures and historical legacy.

Small minds act from ignorance, limiting abundance in all aspects of life. Energy of who you really are will free you from the burden of others’ expectations. Sadly, religion, political and social expectations can and will limit your resources of time and assets. Here are a few questions help you discover the real you.

Do I live my life for my partner, children, job, religion, country and friends at the expense of my own needs and what I want to do?

If I only had a year to live, what would I do with that time?

What am I afraid to express to the world and why?

When was the last time I did something for me only?

Build and fortify Compassion and Empathy for others

Section from my forth coming book Compassion transcends the loss of a loved one

I would say these two qualities are the principal markers of love. It is essential having these skills because loss especially death is a part of life. The transition to a new life is the hardest journey to transcend when you lose a loved one. Others around you that have these gifts is always a blessing you will never forget. Building these skills into your core is the greatest gift you can give to those in distress and yourself.

The empathy and compassion should always come from unconditional love. The loss of a loved one can never be replaced, any sacrifice you make for them either financial, time or energy is a kind gesture from the heart that will always be treasured. You can’t measure empathy, compassion, or love because it is everlasting with no limits. An acronym for empathy will help you understand this powerful quality in transcending the loss of a loved one for yourself and others.

E = Engaged with the person feelings and thoughts

M= Mouth closed make no comments, listen intently

P= Perceive their suffering

A= Affection when appropriate

T= Time is measured by compassion

H= Heart to heart communication

Y=Yoga recenter the body, mind, and emotions to be available for others

Engaged with the person feelings and thoughts


The connection cannot be superficial because the suffering individual will pick up on your vibration. If a person is drowning you don’t throw them a rope and walk away. It will take effort on your part to be committed being absorbed with them intimately. Feelings are natural so be genuine and validate them. Don’t say sorry because its not about you it’s about them, say I see you are very sad or angry recognising their pain. Their thoughts may blurt out unpleasant words, don’t take it personally recognise the suffering underneath that crusade of pain by their comments. Grief transforms a person personality to characters you may have never seen before. Language and actions of the familiar person you know disappeared and it may shock you, give them space to vent or cry.

Mouth closed make no comments, listen intently


This may take self-control and will power to do for many. The rescuer wants to save them and save themselves from the anguish. Remember you cannot bring their loved one back to life and ignore this great loss. The pain I suffered from innocent comments at my wife funeral are still with me today. The truth is nobody knows how others feel and you cant compare your grief with theirs because it’s their pain not yours.

Perceive their suffering

Death is complicated because human relationships are complicated. The death of a child is different from the death of a parent, but both will suffer, and the relationships connected to them will cause different losses. Empathy is 100% about their loss so don’t compare to your own because they are not the same although they may be similar. Loss of a loved one has many facets not just one dimension. What have they lost? The roles of the dead love person fulfilled could be from taxi driver to lover. Psychological losses to emotional support are the new memories shared of unconditional love. The introvert losses could be that one special friend impacted more on them than the social butterfly who has many friends at their beckon call. The financial losses, structure of life losses, hopes and dreams losses, list is limitless. Perceive their suffering not your own, feel it, be it and live it and your soul will join their suffering in harmony together.

Affection when appropriate

Affection comes in different sizes and frequency depending on the culture and the grieving person historical narrative. Affection definition is being warm, tender, and loving. The root of the word comes from the idea desire, inclination, wish, intention. Boundaries create safety and security for the person space. Appropriate is the boundary from their world not yours. You might be naturally affectionate embracing all unconditionally, but the grieving person may not be that inclined. Remember grieving has many forms with a mixture of emotions brewing inside the psyche. For example, if the person is overwhelmed with sadness, anger may be following closely behind. Your touch could spark a reaction to a full-blown outburst leashed against you. Gauge the situation its what they need NOT your needs of affection. The simple reminder to ask yourself who am I in relation to them. You might be the partner best friend, but you are not close to the surviving partner. Affection you want to give is because you lost your best friend not thinking of the feelings of the other. The root of the word is intention, ask why do I want to do or say this? Other extreme is to avoid all contact, but what if the grieving person is an affectionate person and you are not. Empathy is about identifying the other person needs from inner drive not the thinking mode. This is good reminder for those who struggle with affection to help you understand the important role affection has on a grieving person. When a partner or child is lost all intimacy stops instantly. Imagine your partner or child passes on, that affectionate embrace is lost forever. Your geniune embrace may be the only one they received that day or week.

Time is measured by compassion

Time is the biggest loss when a loved one dies because the human element of time is linear. The past, present and future is wiped away in an instant and all you have left is memories and relics or items of the loved one. Compassion is mentioned frequently in this book as the new companion to help the grieving one transcend the loss to a manageable size. Life will never be the same and empathy remembers that fact. Never fall into the trap of repeating cliches time is a healer, time heals all wounds, move on, get over it, etc because that is not true. Validation of another suffering is not contained by time and moving on. The expectations of others who project their life on to otherss are not aware of the grieving person universe. One of my relatives lost her husband over 40 years ago when her 4 children were young, and her husband is very much in her heart despite marrying again, and it still pains her at times. The significance of time in a person life is totally subjective not objective. For example, have you forgotten all your childhood stories even those painful events? The intensity of pain may be a background memory, but it had imprint on the psyche. From a spiritual and philosophical perspective life has darkness and light, to see the light you need to have the darkness even though it’s painful.

Heart to heart communication

 “If I had a friend and loved him because of the benefits which this brought me and because of getting my own way, then it would not be my friend that I loved but myself. I should love my friend on account of his own goodness and virtues and account of all that he is in himself. Only if I love my friend in this way do I love him properly.” ― Meister Eckhart

Empathy that heals comes from the heart not the ego. Ego job is to navigate the human body and will ignore love to get its own needs met. It is important too feeling into(empathy) because emotion has no thoughts because it is energy of life and universe. For example, why does the father run into the burning house to save his child it’s the heart not ego? Heart to heart communication is not cognitive in the true sense but emotion is active listener feeling every drop of sadness from their heart connecting to yours. Compassion energy from your resources will be depleted after heart-to-heart encounter. Refill your emotional energy by being compassionate to yourself because if you don’t, you can’t have effective empathy for others.


Yoga recentre the body, mind, and emotions to be available for others.

Grief effects the whole person so yoga can help you refill your compassion after episodes of showing empathy to others. Yoga recentres the body, mind, and emotions. The yoga will open the heart and release unwanted residue of emotional energy and helps you be present for others.

Grief effects the whole person so yoga can help you refill your compassion after episodes with showing empathy to others. Yoga recentres the body, mind, and emotions. The yoga will open the heart and release negativity and helps you be present for others.

The vital skills of developing self-awareness with emphatic understanding facilitate good relationships with others. Empathy and compassion are always available regardless of what the internal struggles and external struggles humanity has in life. The beauty of self-awareness provides an opportunity to live in our bodies and have somatic empathy for ourselves and others enriching life. Embracing compassion and empathy is like the soothing balm that gives comfort and support to a fulfilling relationship eternally with ourselves and others.

Honesty is the best policy

Extract from my forth coming book Compassion Transcends the loss of a loved one

Lao Tzu words are the so practical in rebuilding your life and when you examine them and apply them by supporting your family with a stable and protective structure for your family live a new life. Listen to the great Chinese sage words with anticpation and reflect on them.

True words aren’t pretty. Times when we say to the children mum (or dad) is not here, so we can’t do this or that because of finances or lack of time or even energy just be honest. The same self-talk is recognising you have limits, are not pretty words at times but it is essential to be honest with self so you can transcend the old life of the loved one you all miss.

Pretty words aren’t true. People may flatter you or say things to try and fix you and the family. The denial of loss is hard to accept but not healthy pushing it away, it will only come back to haunt you. Be realistic, life has changed and to covering over loss with pretty words doesn’t help. The words don’t change anything so when others endeavour to ignore your loss with the pretty words like move on, or others are in a worse situation than you, or the loved one is an angel in heaven can hurt.listen To Lao Tzu next insightful words.

One who is good doesn’t argue. It is easy to retaliate when other words and actions hurt us. The simple truth is they are not you are experiencing your feelings, events in your life. Their perspective has a different lens so accepting others going see life differently helps us understand their actions. When you argue you can’t love so what is the best solution starting a war or loving others and forgiving their ignorance.

One who knows doesn’t boast. The projection of pain onto others is an easy way to dissipate suffering from oneself but it causes suffering for others. Understanding the inner world or know thyself is the silence between greatness and resilience. The Chinese idea here comes from the word abundance according to one source. The suffering one has causes abundant of information and feelings to flow into one’s life. The best student learns from life not the ideas of others or from books and words.

One who boast doesn’t know. The Dao de Jing writing has 81 verses, and this is a part of the last verse. The humble sage or teacher doesn’t need to conquer the world with the sword or anger. When you read the great teachers who have shaped our world with everlasting truths they didn’t have to prove anything. They were honest about themselves, the world around them and the life they lived. All the great teachers suffered loss and we can gain much from their example in transcending the loss of a loved one.